Kneel with Jaxamous as she discusses the life of a BDSM slave. This week she discuses her ongoing struggle with a food addiction to pizza and the steps she is taking to overcome an all to common problem.
Pizza was never a major issue for me until the last decade. I began to binge on pizza when I was pregnant with my mini-me. I would order domino's multiple times a week and when I wasn't eating a fresh pizza from them, I was making frozen pizzas for dinner. Quick, simple, and my pregnant ass didn't have to stand in front a stove making something that took forever (since, ya know, waiting 45 minutes for delivery on my couch was way better). After the little one was borne, it was a quick go-to because now I really didn't have time to cook (or so I thought) and everyone seemed to enjoy it. It also lasted for a day or two so I could take a break from cooking.
Fast forward to 2014...(SpongeBob voiceover...9 years later). Now I've developed a sad obsession. I was on the hunt for the best pizza place in the new state I moved to, Delaware. I was on the East Coast. That's pizza central folks. NY style was around every corner. 6 months into our new home state, I learned that I have developed a dairy allergy. I have since spent the last two years attempting to find a way to manipulate the pizza world so that I can have just one more taste of this delicious food.
Now that I've developed a deadly allergy (not lactose intolerance) it has become a problem that I cannot control myself around pizza. Every time I see it, smell it, or hear about it- I want it. It's a sad addiction to a very silly piece of food. The combination cannot be met in another way. I have a rule in place, that I am not to consume the delicious pie in any manner. I broke that rule, not only putting myself at risk, but my Master's happiness. This hurts more than I can describe. To have something consume my mind so much, that it pushes my Masters happiness out of the way? That's unacceptable. Master made me develop an action plan because any other kind of punishment would not develop a defense against this ridiculous food obsession.
My action plan will not be posted here because it does admit some very vulnerable information about me. I will, however, post a few pieces of it below for reference. The reason I wanted to blog about this particular topic is because I know I'm not the only slave in this world with a food addiction, and I hope this provides not only guidance for the slave but for her Master. You're not alone.
Defined- The problem, the reason and then the steps of action to defeat the issue at hand.
Step 1: Communicate that the issue has arisen.
Step 2: I negotiate with myself to make it okay to consume pizza, mental games. Here is where I need Master to keep a close eye on me.
Step 3: Cravings become uncontrollable and obsessive. Here is where I need him to pull me out of the mindset and reset me. Beatings, bondage, workouts, motivational pictures, direct commands.
Step 4: Anger. I get angry when I am told that I cannot have what I want. It's not a flattering quality and something we're working together on.
Step 5: Grieving. I need his soft side, his cuddles, his warmth and his love. I need held and shown that I do not need this to be happy. All I need is him.